Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Finally. It's done. Over with. Finished. Mission accomplished. The hardest part of my ordeal is through. I succeeded, and not a moment too soon. Felt like my sanity was slipping away, so now I can breathe easy. But just for a moment.

From this point on, things will take a new turn. A new journey will begin. For better or for worse, I can't say for sure. But now at least I can say that there is hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I can see it. But with every new experience, there are good and bad elements. I can foresee the former, it's the latter that worries me. Because it's usually the latter that I can't see coming. It's the latter that I need to prepare for.

So after several weeks of watching my future screw itself over with uncertainty, God finally threw me a lifeline. Now I can leave my current job knowing there's a safety net waiting for me. I will miss the old workplace though. It's not perfect. It never was. But I have been there long enough to see so many faces come and go. I made a few friends that I won't forget too soon. And despite all the pitfalls that came with it, I loved my job. I was just getting the hang of it, when management made another decision that wasn't in the staff's best interests. So now me and a handful of others had to make a decision we didn't want to make. And that's how I ended up here.

But who knows? This new place might be better. Fate has a way of making things work. I'm not saying that we should just let fate take the wheel. But I think there is a plan for us. Each of us. There is a reason for everything that happens. For a long time I had resisted leaving my current job. Perhaps now the right reason has presented itself. And thus my new adventure begins. I just hope fate lets me drive long enough to control what happens. I must not fail. As Ed Harris said in Apollo 13, failure is not an option.

Oh, in the meantime, feast your eyes on the new Transformers poster. Cool, huh?

Unavoidable

In my last post I said I hated changes. And that's true. I always hated it. I'm the kind of guy that likes things to stay just the way they are. Because once something changes, I'm going to have to adapt all over again. Mind you, I'm well aware that I can adapt to the new situation eventually. Perhaps it's the process that I abhor so much.

If there's one thing I can say about this year, it's that it's full of changes. Worst of all, I didn't see it coming. I was blissfully ignorant, living in this little bubble enjoying what I thought was my life. Then it all fell apart. One by one, obstacle after obstacle came before me. I fought to keep ahead, and I'm still fighting. I don't like it, but now I realise that it's unavoidable, and like it or not, I'll have to face it. Head on. Man against life itself.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I start talking to the reflection. Sometimes I encourage the person I see, sometimes I complain, sometimes I make a statement and say "You're the only one who can do it. Remember that." It's insane. It's like I need to do something as crazy as that to make sense of the madness surrounding me. Of course, I can just shut down and say I've done my best, and let fate swallow me whole. But no. I thought of myself as a fighter, so I am going to fight. Only this time, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I am waking up to the fact that I may not be as strong as I thought I was. This is war all right, and it's about to get ugly.

Changes. Everywhere I look around, there're changes. Some of your blogs are changing looks (damn I wish I knew how to do that better) and some new blogs are appearing. There's actually one written by an eight year-old that I found. Hmm. Even kids evolve over the years. I wonder if they're growing up too fast.

Anyway, I got another job appointment the day after tomorrow. Yeah. Another one of those "processes" I hate so much. But oddly enough, this isn't my main concern at this time. There's something else bugging me. Man, I am going crazy.

On This Day.......

This is a special day. A day to remember well, especially for me. There's a birthday and an anniversary attached to it.

Today is the 5th anniversary of my friendship with a very special girl named Rhea. She's from the Philippines, as some of you dear readers already know. It's because of this girl, that I am here in cyberspace, talking, posting, mingling, blogging etc. 5 years ago today, she reached out and pulled me in here. Well, not literally haha. And I am happy to welcome her into the blog family. Can't believe it's been 5 years already, time flies real fast. Guess I'm getting older.

Today also marks the 23rd birthday of the pretty lady you're looking at there. Marion Elise Raven. She was one half of a popular Norwegian duo called M2M. They're the reason I enjoy music so much, and it's because of them that I met Rhea and so many others all over the world. They changed my life, and made the world seem smaller, even if only through this small screen.

Times have changed though. Marion is on her own now, trying to fly solo with her raven wings. She's not doing too bad actually. Some other things are changing too. A lot of the people I used to talk to back in the M2M days have gone. Some are still around, but now there are too many new people hogging what's left of the excitement. And some of the older fans have turned real sour too. Yeah, changes. You have no idea how much I hate that word right now.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to the ever awesome Marion Raven, and thank you Rhea, for always being here for me. Hugs back.

Disillusioned

Finally there's a poster for Resident Evil: Extinction. I was beginning to think they forgot to make one for it. Resident Evil isn't one of the more well-known trilogies making an impact this year at the movies, compared to others like Spider-Man and Pirates Of The Carribean, but I am looking forward to this third instalment of the zombie franchise.

If you're wondering why I'm starting this entry with something that looks like it belongs on the other blog, well it's because I don't really know what to write in here. I've left FR alone for far too long. I'm currently at a loss as to what to talk about. Does that mean I'm finally happy, till I have no more complaints? No, on the contrary. My life is currently going through some turbulence, and I'm fighting to stay ahead of things. I don't like the feeling, but I do know that if I make it to the end in one piece, I'll be happy again.

It's been really hard lately. Getting sleep, eating right, trying not to worry myself to death. I fell sick twice in two weeks. I'm better now, but it may just come back soon enough. It's quite unusual, and embarassing as well for me, because I do know that if any other person were experiencing what I am going through now, they wouldn't have any problems. They'd just live their lives like it was any other day. I guess I'm not as tough as I should be.

A lot of times, I do find solace in here. The virtual world. Where things aren't as visibly cruel as the real world. Where I find people from around the earth to converse with, to laugh with and learn from. But I know I can't rely on them forever. In the end, they will not be here for me. They can't always help me. But rest assured dear readers, if you are a friend of mine, you've done enough for me by making time to read this or spend some time with me in a chatroom. I thank you all for that.

So when all else fails, what's left? TV, perhaps. I was overjoyed to discover this week, that Lost will return with Season 3 in June. Best news I've heard all week. Gives me something to look forward to. Having that is important, as a good friend once said to me.

3/5/7

I didn't have a good day. It was long. Hard. Tiring. Painful. But I'm still alive, and the part of my day that I dreaded the most wasn't the worst of it. Strangely enough, it was the least of my problems.

Getting started today wasn't too hard. I was prepared to do this, it's time. No turning back. I was more or less ready. And you know what? Despite some hiccups, it wasn't so bad. I didn't get a favourable result, but at least this time I can say I did okay. Not bad for someone who hasn't done it in 4 years.

But that's not why I'm writing this entry. You wanna know what else happened? Well, I got sick. It started before that 'thing', and I got it under control during its execution. But keeping it that way after it was over was hard. All I wanted to do was go home and rest. I felt so sick and tired, made worse by my mum, who didn't want to keep...mum. Yeah, story of my life. Go figure.

I couldn't go home just yet, had to wait for my sister to get off work, and pick her up. Since I was sick, I got her to drive us home. I fell asleep in the back seat, and all was fine, until..........BAM! Someone apparently crashed into our car from the back. And I was in the back seat, so yeah, not very pleasant. We're all fine, thank God. A young girl had tailed us from behind and didn't apply the brakes in time. But no one was injured or worse, which is good. The weird part was having a couple of guys approach my sister and the other girl, offering to fix the damages. We call them vultures haha. And I finally got home, with a fever. Damn. I'm better now after some medication, but it still lingers.

So I sit before my trusty computer, less than an hour till Friday. Not feeling 100% better, but I do know I have to try to make it to work tomorrow. I can't let some people down, now can I? But you know something? Prior to all this, I kept questioning myself. Asked myself, what's wrong with me? Why are there some things that I still can't solve? Why do I feel like a mess most of the time? Why do I feel like I haven't grown up deep down inside? Why do I feel like I've disappointed so many people I care about?

Questions I don't want to think about right now. Now I just need to sleep.