Saturday, March 17, 2007

Starting Over

It's hard. It's always been hard actually, but I rarely remember the feeling until it comes. I don't know if that makes sense, but let's just say I haven't been in good spirits as of late. I'm letting something bug me for too long, and try as I might, I can't seem to shake it off. The only way to get over it, is to move on and do the only thing that seems right. It's hard for me, though to most people it is quite simple. I know that it can feel quite humiliating, but I've really given up on understanding why I feel this way, so I'll just accept the fact that it exists within me and deal with it.

I'm doing better now than I was last week, as some other things took shape. A couple of my friends have returned to the online life, at least momentarily. I got some good news at the start of this week, and for the most of the past 5 days, I was able to keep my emotions in check. I really needed that.

But there are a few other things that got my attention. Friends in need, for starters. I may have problems, but that never blinds me from other people's troubles. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a walking trouble magnet, hopefully not. But if a friend of mine needed help, I would be right there. What else? Oh, my mind seemed to wander on a certain someone I had an affection for. I don't know why that happened, perhaps I thought of her in an attempt to sidestep the worries that still eat away inside of me. When she's on my mind, I can imagine being at a better place and feel at ease. Of course it's unfortunate that it's only as real as my mind will allow it to be, but for a few moments I can feel free and tranquil, and not think about wrestling with my demons.

And then there is that picture. That is the cover to Captain America #25. In case you haven't heard, Marvel decided to kill him off. So he's dead, after existing in comicbooks for 66 years. I had visited the forums at the Marvel website, and noted that tons of fans are angry and sad to see their favourite hero gone. He truly was an icon. But I do know he'll be back somehow, it's just a matter of time. The one thing that's constant about comicbook characters is the fact that they never really die. Sooner or later, someone will bring them back from the grave. And when you think about it, wouldn't you want to do that at some point in your life? Just end it and start over, when it gets too hard for you to go on? Too bad we can't do that ourselves, our lives are sadly more real than imaginary. But that doesn't mean we can't do something about it. Perhaps that's why we exist.