Lost

Something's bothering me today. Something doesn't feel right. I don't know why, but I can't seem to figure out what that is.

It couldn't be how my week turned out. It wasn't the best week I've had, but certainly I've had worse. It was a slow week at the office. But no, that's not it.

So here I am thinking what can it possibly be. Perhaps some things, little things, didn't quite turn out as I hoped, though it shouldn't have been enough to rattle me. Perhaps I'm missing someone, and it's no one's fault that the person I'm missing can't be there when I want. Perhaps there are some things I need or want, but can't have because I just don't have the resources to own them. Perhaps it's my mum irritating me with her petty complaints. Perhaps it's my sister and another one of her weird habits I can't stand. Perhaps there are some issues which I thought I had let go, but it turns out I wasn't completely over with. Perhaps it's a combination of some or all of these things.

Great, I'm complaining. I always thought I was beyond that. I always thought I was better than that. Guess I'm not. But now that I'm thinking of all this, perhaps it's just envy. Envy of other ppl's perfect lives. Envy of other ppl who seem to have done so much with their time and their youth. For a lot of ppl I know, I wasn't doing what they did when I was their age now. I was busy surviving life but they are living it to the fullest, or the best they can.

When I get too lost in my thoughts, it's hard for me to find my way out. I wasted so much time thinking when I should have been doing more instead. I should have been changing instead of getting comfortable with the way things are. But now that I know what the problem is, where on earth do I start working on it?