Unavoidable

In my last post I said I hated changes. And that's true. I always hated it. I'm the kind of guy that likes things to stay just the way they are. Because once something changes, I'm going to have to adapt all over again. Mind you, I'm well aware that I can adapt to the new situation eventually. Perhaps it's the process that I abhor so much.

If there's one thing I can say about this year, it's that it's full of changes. Worst of all, I didn't see it coming. I was blissfully ignorant, living in this little bubble enjoying what I thought was my life. Then it all fell apart. One by one, obstacle after obstacle came before me. I fought to keep ahead, and I'm still fighting. I don't like it, but now I realise that it's unavoidable, and like it or not, I'll have to face it. Head on. Man against life itself.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I start talking to the reflection. Sometimes I encourage the person I see, sometimes I complain, sometimes I make a statement and say "You're the only one who can do it. Remember that." It's insane. It's like I need to do something as crazy as that to make sense of the madness surrounding me. Of course, I can just shut down and say I've done my best, and let fate swallow me whole. But no. I thought of myself as a fighter, so I am going to fight. Only this time, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I am waking up to the fact that I may not be as strong as I thought I was. This is war all right, and it's about to get ugly.

Changes. Everywhere I look around, there're changes. Some of your blogs are changing looks (damn I wish I knew how to do that better) and some new blogs are appearing. There's actually one written by an eight year-old that I found. Hmm. Even kids evolve over the years. I wonder if they're growing up too fast.

Anyway, I got another job appointment the day after tomorrow. Yeah. Another one of those "processes" I hate so much. But oddly enough, this isn't my main concern at this time. There's something else bugging me. Man, I am going crazy.