This is hard. It always has been. I've been through this before, and somehow it ends up the same way almost every time. The fact is, the solution is pretty simple. But I just can't do it.This time it's a little different. In the past, I had somehow believed that no matter the odds, there was a chance for me to succeed. No, I don't mean succeed in carrying out the solution, but in pursuing what my heart feels. This time, I knew from the beginning that following my heart would spell doom. It would never work out. So I resisted. I tried my best to stay away, and be smart. And I did just that. But you know what? The heart is a really powerful thing. It can override almost any decision you make, and before you know it, you're sucked in. Now I'm in deep, sort of.
I wish things were different between me and her. I miss the past times, when she would greet me with a smile, treat me well, and not hesitate to engage in a conversation about anything. Now, silence and tension fill the space between us. But there are times when I feel like all hope is not lost. I know she doesn't hate me. However I don't really know what she thinks of me. I can only predict what she may think, perhaps I'm not good at reading people and their behaviour. I'm not Dr House.
The fact is, I can end this with a simple solution. Just turn a blind eye and close my senses. Then perhaps I can forget her, and the way she makes me feel in her presence. But like I said, I just can't. The simplest solution isn't easy at all. And every day I walk the line between reality and recklessness. Trying to get her attention and at the same time keeping things real.
If she and I were friends, maybe it'd be less taxing for me. I guess right now I just miss her, even though I see her almost every day. If only we were the last two people on earth, and everything else was gone. Wouldn't that be something?
1 comment:
Nice reference to one of my favorite shows.
Maybe there is silence because she notices that you become different around her... perhaps you don't know what to say, and it feels awkward to her how your behaviour changes when she's around you and she knows you are nervous. You should try to calm down and give her the impression that everything is normal (without acting too relaxed either coz that only makes the weird impression stronger). Not sure what you are up to... is she the one you can't have because there is too much standing between you?
If you still can, try to pull your heart out of it. As long as you have a mind that tells you what's best for you, you should listen because there is still enough time to fall for someone eternally and hopelessly. When that happens, you'll do anything for her anyway, so be sure to "choose" the right person for this.
Post a Comment