What Matters?

There are times when I need to get a hold of myself. Take stock of what's happening around me, make sense of things, get a foothold on reality, not letting negative vibes get to me. But it's not easy, because my world isn't as pleasing to the senses as I'd like.

Tell me how you would feel if you got yelled at by somebody. Doesn't matter who it is, doesn't matter what it's about, doesn't matter if you deserved it or not. What would you do? Are you going to cry about it? Or are you going to forget it instantly and move on? Or are you going to let it consume your heart bit by bit and let it take over your mind for a while? How would you deal with it?

You know what? It doesn't matter. All choices suck in some way. Even if you gave me a fourth choice of dealing with that person diplomatically and solving things, it's no guarantee. Why? Because everyone has an ego. It all depends on how big it is. Some people are blessed with really tiny ones, and those are the people you can deal with fairly. But how do you deal with the everyday folk that take you and your feelings for granted?

Here's another one: how do you feel when people you care about and like, take you for granted? You try so hard to prove to them you're worth their time, and they ignore you. What do you do? Is it their fault, or are you just not good enough? Hell, I don't know anymore. A lot of times I don't know why I keep trying. Something is driving me forward, despite me feeling like I'm stuck in the mud with no way out and no way forward. I can't go back, that's the past. What is there left to do?

A lot of people matter to me. For a select few, I wonder if I matter to them.