Something's Familiar

I was at my desk this morning at the office just getting ready to start work when I noticed my colleagues from the accounts department walking past carrying a bunch of files to the room at the back. When they walked past again carrying more files, it finally hit me. This can only mean one thing: the auditors are here. It's that time of the year again.

I know this because I used to be in the accounts department. And carrying those files to the back room where the auditors would work was my job. Now I feel so relieved, because carrying those files wasn't pleasant at all. There are at least 30 of them to move from one end of the office to the other, and they're all heavy, hard, cardboard ring files. Sure, I wasn't alone as far as carrying them was concerned, but it's still hard. And just so you know, there are bigger things to worry about when you're in the accounts department besides file carrying. So I truly like where I am now.

Something else is on my mind lately. It's familiar, been there before. Talked about it before too. Someone I care about is troubled somewhat. I know what's on her mind, what's bothering her. I've tried to talk to her about it, but you know, these things are rarely easy to do. I know all about the kind of problems you have where you know the solution, but you just can't bring yourself to do it. It's kinda like being torn between your instinct and your brain. Your brain tells you that you know what needs to be done, because it's the smart way. But your instincts tell you to soldier on the hard way. Something about the thing you're facing draws you to it, no matter how hard you try to fight it.

It's like me trying to get a girl's attention, knowing that I'd probably fail, but I do it anyway because deep down I want to. There's a need inside of me that wants to be filled. I can try ignoring it, but eventually I'll come right back to it. Not to say that my will power isn't existent, but certain things just draw you quickly enough to it, and you're in deep before you realise it.

Somehow, helping people is getting harder now. I love helping people, especially the ones I care about. I know I'm only a human being, and perhaps incapable of saving every person out there, but there are some people worth fighting for. These people have given me more than they realise. And because of that, I can't turn my back on them. If they are in need, I will give something back. Advice. A listening ear. A shoulder to cry on. One of my personal rules is to never leave a friend, if I truly love them.

But the question now is: Am I good enough?